…but only one comes down.
I’m begging the kid to let me put strings on Abramson’s back. Her first quote as the new Howell Keller, and she’s eating her shoes.
“In my house growing up, the Times substituted for religion,” said Abramson, the former Washington bureau chief. “If the Times said it, it was the absolute truth.”
The bell on circle 8 started ringing before she even got to “the absolute truth.” The pneumatic tube – we call it the “Pinch pipe” – the kid usually uses to send Herb Matthews and me Krugman’s columns for fact-improvement and Friedman’s columns for translation into English suddenly coughs up a kidney with a tag on it reading “Peters”. Poor Jeremy was being eviscerated for reporting what his new boss said.
Then comes more paper. Pinch is writing corrections again. I grab the last one to drop. He’s written “Better???” across the top of this:
CORRECTION: Because of an editing error, Jill Abramson’s claim that the Times “substituted for religion” in her house was misreported. Ms. Abramson actually said that in her house, the Times substituted for puppy carpet, but that the entire family worshipped the dog. The Times already regrets its error.
What the hell can you do? I read the thing to Matthews. He listens, then says, “Well, ‘dog’ spelled backwards…I get it. I hope the mutt goes for Pinch’s face.”
Better Pinch’s than Keller’s, I suppose. We yanked the quote and packed Kevorkian’s kidney into poor Jeremy.